since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
