Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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