Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
