Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
