Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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