So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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