Don't you send me to vm
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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