There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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