I wannas sexs uuuuu
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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