She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
