Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
