Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
