did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
