im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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