Whod you bang
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
