The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
