Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize