He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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