Please, let me fuck your mom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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