oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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