No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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