ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
