I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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