it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
