How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
sex in a hospital.. check
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You ruined the universe
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
