he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
