taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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