his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
