i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize