Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
