You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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