Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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