The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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