I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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