My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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