You work out of a Hotel?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just invented taco cereal.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
