I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
