Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
