i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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