dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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