I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
