I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
