Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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