I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
