im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
