He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
