He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
