I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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