Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Still dying that you shit outside
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
