I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
