U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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