Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
