I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
