I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
