if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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