i can't believe i had my finger in that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
