girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
