just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
