Already got asked if we're dating
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
