i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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