Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize