Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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