i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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