you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
