you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
