Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
