Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
