it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize