You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
