What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't notice because vodka
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
