If that was your dad, he is hot
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
