Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
