Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
