My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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