Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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