Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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