I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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