i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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